The little big soldier
by all-i-do-is-butts
Summary: The X-Men ask the Avengers team for help as they discover a spreading parasite. Said parasite reduces the physical strength, it is worse the stronger one is. Steve gets infected and has to be nursed, but he still wants to keep fighting.


"Some dorks from our PR department had the genuine idea to collect money for a charity, maybe for an orphanage or something, to lighten up our public image. You know since you destroyed like half of the city." announces Fury to the Avengers. "And how are we going to do that? Do we go trick or treating as one another? Dress as little angels and sing Christmas carols on everyone's front porch?" jokes Tony while checking his beard and outfit in the mirage on his cellphone. He shifts uneasily in Dr. Banners seat, trying to find a comfortable position, while Bruce just sits on the table, smirking at the childish suggestions. Everyone else just pretends they can't hear him and his terrible jokes, by staring at nothing in particular.

After some time of this awkward silence, where they all just acted like they were in deep thought about seriously important things (except for Tony, he just checks his teeth), Agent Hill yells from the other side of the room: "How about a pinup calendar?!" CCouldn'timmediatelyheadstowardsshe but she ducks under the seemingly endless row of tables where no one could spot her. CCouldn'tlooksaroundthe room, scanning it for her. The Avengers all got up in the meantime, now searching the place with their eyes as well.

"Actually that's not too much of a bad idea..." they all turn around to find out who said that. It was Barton, just sitting there with a smug smile plastered on his face, staring nowhere. "Are you really that eager to show the world your bum?" asks Natasha, seemingly surprised. "Well, yes of course, plus I haven't seen that many of you other guys topless yet. Banner and Cap for example." His smile continues to grow bigger and everyone in the room could practically grab the tension, cut it in thin slices and hand it out to hungry hobos on the streets. That's how awkward it was. Tony just sits there and chuckles, he always enjoys some good sexually tempting comments.

Suddenly Coulson smashes a button on the control panel in front of him. All of the doors and windows close with a smashing sound, loud enough to make the other employees jump, but not enough for Bruce to honour it with the twitch of an eye. Coulson stays alarmed, still on the watch for Maria, seemingly untouched by the deliciously awkward scene that just passed by. It's dead silent. You could hear a mouse fart. There is a small scratching sound from the other side of the room, just a light screeching like fingernails on metal. Agent Coulson turns to the source of said sound, giving a signal to another Agent (I shall call him Bob). He slowly sneaks towards the source of the sound, causing no noise whatsoever. The sound appears again, this time longer, but still fairly quiet. Bob gets close to it. He is now stood about 4 feet from the next door, looking around trying to locate the source. Next thing is he falls face down on the ground. Not oops-I-tripped-over-something style, no, more like some-douche-pulled-my-ankles style. Tony throws himself around in the chair, punching the table in laughter, chuckling something around the lines of "nice faceplant" and "9.3 / 10 points". No one else thinks it funny. If anything rather concerning.

You could hear him moan as he gets up, holding his nose, which is dripping of blood. Cap starts jogging to him: "Are you alright buddy? What happened?" When he arrives at his side, he immediately states his diagnosis: "Oh you're nose looks like it's broken. Let me fix that I know how that works." This statement is quickly followed by him snapping the mans nose back in place, causing him to shriek in pain and to bleed even more. Some other employees take the man out of the room, hopefully to give him some painkillers and first aid. And so Cap takes the chance to crawl under the tables himself, to get a proper look around the room on Marias momentary level.

"Is he posing for us?" asks Natasha, turning her head sideways to get a better look at Captain Americas behind, as he is crawling around on the floor. As soon as Clint notices what Nat is happening to stare at, he takes the chance to do so himself. He sneaks up to her and places his head on her shoulder, whispering in her ear: "So, whose butt do like best?" No one else but her heard that, so she answers as silently as possible: "I can't tell, yet. There are still quite a few missing in my gallery." They are about to give each other some more smug grins to feast upon, as Cap get up from the ground, his hands and knees as dirty as Natashas thoughts. He says: "Can't find her anywhere around here, maybe she got out before you sealed the room off?", but his hands are gesturing towards a table close to the next door. He slowly walks back to the Avengers meeting table, while several Agents are making their way over to said table. They may be unarmed, but they surely are ready to attack whomever might be hiding underneath them.

It seems they have found it/her. They circle it and slowly close said circle towards it. Shrill screams sound as they attack. "Let me down you goddamned fuckasses!" screams Maria, as the Agents hold her up high by her ankles. Upside down. She crosses her arms in protest, well aware of what is to follow now. "Standard procedure for Agent Hill." says Coulson, finally letting his guard down. The other Agents carry her out, while she's murmuring one last comment: "Stupid fucking dipshits. I already know each and every word in this fucking thing!" She is of course referring to the video, which she is now required to watch as a disciplinary treatment.

She probably really knows all the words by now, because she is getting herself into trouble more often than one might think at the sight of her innocent face. It has to be around 3-5 times a month at her average. It's worse if nothing's happening though. She doesn't get fired, because no one can resist her charm. It's just that she grows bored so easily... and if she's bored she'll do anything to be stop being like this. Even if what it takes is prank assembling the Avengers to tell them to go shopping with her. (Cap went with her and they got him some fabulous boots, too!) But neither Fury nor Coulson appreciate her attempts at lighting up the atmosphere very much. They think her childish. So does Thor, that's why they have become best friends quite recently, all they do is cause discomfort for the others. It started out with farting noises during one of Fury's meetings. But it has moved on to stealing the panties of the other Avengers and then pronouncing: "It was the 'Creeper'! He is going around town stealing peoples undergarments to display them in public places!" No one believed them in the first place, bu they had more important things to do. Later on they were found to be sealed in one of the many glass tables in this place. No one has removed them so far. Someone (probably Tony) even put a little engraving underneath it saying: "In honour of the earths mightiest heroes personal hygiene." It is still standing in the exact same spot. Unchanged.

Phil has to unlock the sealed doors and windows, for the Agents to deport Maria to 'detention'. He scans his ID and Iris at a panel next to a door, then types a few commands in. Causing everything to unseal. It's suddenly very bright in the room. Tony, who seemingly was asleep by now, falls off his chair, finally drawing the attention back to the Avengers team. No one is really worried about Tony's well being, cause he gets hurt on a daily basis. Sometimes even quite badly so. They all gather around their table, each and everyone of them with a poker face. No one says a word for the next few minutes, while Stark gets up and casually cleans and binds his newest head wound.

"So does anybody have ANYTHING serious to contribute to this discussion, or should I just-" Fury is interrupted by an Emergency call. Stark falls off his chair again, but this time he rolls off in a very elegant manner. He spreads his arms and shouts: "Tadaaaa!" But they are all very much occupied with the usual world-saving-stuff. "Unknown flight object is approaching the SHIELD headquarter!" The Avengers team quickly dresses up in their uniforms, except for Dr. Banner. He is just standing in the corner, pretending to do important things with his tablet. Truth is he is actually gathering information about said flight object. "Guys. Could you please listen to me? Please? This is important!" The only one listening is Tony, who is by now fully dressed in his newest Iron Man suit (this time with some sweet green colour accents in celebration of St. Patricks day; he even made the opening of the power source the shape of a cloverleaf). He shouts: "EVERYONE LISTEN TO BRUCE FOR ONCE!" (his voice is modified by Jarvis to be louder than usual).

Everyone mutes immediately. "Um, thanks Tony..." he mutters, "So as I was going to say, the flight object is of human origin. Nothing like your suits, though. He seems to have wings, like a bird. He is heading straight towards us, but his pace is quite slow, so we do have enough time to react." Silence. Absolute silence in the office. "Well, if he's a bird maybe he'll just fly against the window and all we have to do is wipe him off." Clint gives an interesting point of view on the topic, but he's widely ignored. Stark joins Bruce at his tablet and together they do science. No one understands a single word in their following discussion.

Everyone has rushed off by now to secure the base somehow. Many Agents are standing outside, armed to their teeth, aiming at thin air. Hawkeye and Natasha are just getting their weapons of choice prepared for combat and Thor is asleep in his chair. Captain America is stood at the window, peeking outside on the watch for the winged man. "I can see him!" he shouts suddenly. The man is indeed now visible to the naked eye, as he just flew out of a huge cloud formation (it kind of resembles a crippled fetus, as Tony says quietly; which those who heard it take as a very morbid thing to say, but Natasha just turns her head sideways, squints her eyes and then confirms with a nod to Tony). He slowly gets closer. "He isn't armed! Don't shoot him!" The winged man just arrived at the windowfront of the helicarrier. He stops and politely knocks against the window. "What are we supposed to do? We can't just smash the window and let him in." "You got a good point there, Cap. So Imma make my way out." Tony says, while closing his helmet and engaging Jarvis. He flies out through the hole in the ceiling (which was made especially for him to fly through; actually just because he flew through there on accident and Fury thought it would be a waste of time and resources to close it properly as he would surely wreck it again).

"Can you run his face through your servers Tony?" asks Bruce, while curiously eyeing the man. Said man is outside clinging to the windows, his upper body is naked. "Well so far he's surely got a nice ass. Wait a minute, I'm flying around to get started with him." The man now turns around to face Tony. After a few seconds of astonished staring, he smiles and waves enthusiastically at him. Hawkeye suddenly awakes from his short slumber just to inspect said ass. Even though his eyes are the best around, he goes to the windows. He stares for some time and once he is satisfied, he waves Natasha to come over: "Dude's got a really nice butt! Come and check him out!" Natasha grabs Steve by his arm and drags him with her to Clint. Nat presses her hand against the glass as if she could feel the ass right through it. "Magnificient" she mumbles. Cap stands behind them, nervously scanning the room for witnesses. Even though no one but them, Bruce, Thor and Fury are present, his face turns bright red before he dares to shoot a look at the truly glorious behind.

"Hello!" greets the unknown man, a bright smile on his face.

"Hi, I'm Iron Man and you are?" He smiles back at him.

"My name is not important right now, I am here to ask the Avengers for help." His face suddenly got all serious.

"Well I'll need some kind of name to call you with." he says with a raised eyebrow.

"You can call me your friend for now" A mysterious smile appears on his face.

"Well then my friend, let's go inside to tell the others about your request." He gestures him the way to his entrance hole.


End file.
